Last year I had a realization that for most of my life I refused to "play the game" - and by that I meant life. Like I wouldn't consent to the rules of life and I was too afraid to fail, so I refused to try.
And so a huge change last year was my commitment to being here.
To living life.
To actually trying, and having goals and desires.
But this year I realized there are many games in life. And some of them are not worth playing.
Like the game of fitting into systems which only thrive on constant fear and anxiety about what people think and whether or not we're "in."
There's hardly a person I know in the church who is happy with cliques and gossip and the masks we wear and the division between congregations and the exclusion and superficial judgment.
In other words, we don't like the game we've
created.
And yet, we still play it.
Because to not play it would mean to be the object of the criticisms and gossip and exclusion which hurts so much. And so the cycle continues, as we simultaneously complain about and contribute to it.
It's a game not worth playing.
And maybe it’s something to leave behind as we move into a new year.
I don’t know about you, but I just want to live this life fully, to love people and walk together with them towards healing.
And I’m finding that healing so often means letting go of that constricting fear and overwhelming anxiety over where we stand and what people might think.
Imagine if we could work towards that kind of individual, and consequently collective, healing.